Every so often, not too frequently, I have a day when I wish I could completely check out as a parent; when I wonder, why am I staying at home with my still(!?!)-nursing toddler instead of putting her in daycare and going to work where I can interact with grown ups and go more than five minutes without being touched? ย A day when I find a constant stream of mini ย pep talks running through my mind: just breathe; relax; it’s not a big deal; slow down; does it really matter?Don’t cry over spilled milk. ย There’s a reason why they say that. ย
Today was just. like. that. ย I’m not really sure why, but I woke up not quite ready to parent (despite going to bed early after accomplishing quite a bit), and, today, my ability to be patient was no where to be found. ย Normal every day toddler behavior was suddenly grating. ย Of course, Nora was able to pick up the vibe that something was off with me, so she was superย sensitiveย too — which does not help matters when all I feel like doing is yelling, ย “Leave me alone!” and walking out the door, never to be seen again. ย It’s very hard to explain to a toddler that Mama needs a time out, especially when we’re supposed to be on a week-long YouTube video and “show” hiatus. ย “Go entertainย yourself,” only works for six or seven minutes, if at all.
So, we had a rough morning. ย Things I care about were broken. ย Milk was spilled. ย Toys were tossed all about. ย A brand new shoe was thrown out of the stroller (a new, very un-amusing phase) which resulted in twenty extra minutes spent searching for it and fuming about potentially lost money. ย Threeย separateย walks were taken trying to encourage my sometimes-napping, sometimes-not-napping toddler to fall asleep. ย The whole time, I was doing my best to remember Housewife Challenge #5. ย Finally, at 2:40 when I thought I couldn’t take the tired cry-whining anymore, I crouched down next toย theย stroller and said very quietly while looking her in the eyes, “Nora, you need to please be quiet, or Mama is going to get mad. ย Please stop whining, close your eyes, take deep breaths and relax, and go to sleep, because Mama is feeling very frustrated and I don’t want to get mad.”
Instant silence. ย I stood up andย startedย walking again and, not a block down the street, she was asleep.
I’m not sure why that worked. ย I found myself thinking, that’s all it took?ย Why didn’t I try thatย earlier? ย ย As if it were some great parenting triumph, when really it was sheer desperation.
I went home and did something I never do:
I used nap time to sit, read, and drink the best glass of chardonnay ever poured. ย I told myself it was very 50’s housewife of me…but really, I didn’t need the justification at all, and I did, actually, feel muchย betterย after that glass of wine.
Nora woke up from her nap, and we went out to a birthday party for one of her little friends. ย At first, things weren’t really looking up. ย Nora was definitely out of her element and a lot freaked out by the older, more enthusiastic girls. ย For aย moment, I thought we were going to have to leave.But then she started to warm up, and by the end she was having fun.
And so was I.
I hate days like this. ย I never see them coming and I often have a very hard time working through them in the moment. ย I don’t spend more than an hour of daylight here or there without Nora, so I know frustrating moments (hours/days) areย inevitable, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I had handled them better.
How do you handle frustration in the moment? ย Any tips on dealing with parenting burnout when you don’t have a partner available to step in? ย I’d love to read how you deal with days like today.
Leave a Reply