I don’t have sisters, only a boatload of brothers, and never had a large group of female friends in high school or college, so I’m approaching the years when we’ll have multiple teenage girls in our house with a measure of caution. I’m female, yes, but I’ve never surrounded myself with lots of other girls or women, and I’ve never been a girly-girl.
That said, I’ve certainly experienced more than my fair share of teen drama and emotions run rampant, and as we start to near the teenage years I’ve been reflecting on how my own experiences can shape who I am as a mother of daughters.
From the early days of when I became a mother, I have tried to foster an environment of trust and open communication between me and the girls. Chris and I have never lied to them – not even about holidays – and have tried to involve the girls fully in our life choices, dreams, and realities. That means we have had many transparent conversations about things I never had with my parents, like about finances and money. We’ve involved them in major life decisions like moving and invited them to be present at the births of their younger sisters.
My hope is that if I make it easy for them to talk to me now, and show that I’m just as honest with them as I expect them to be with me, that will continue into adolescence.
Last year, Nora and I started writing in a shared journal, part of The Care & Keeping of Us books by @americangirlbrand. This has been a wonderful way to write back and forth between each other and has led to some great face-to-face conversations as well (though I’ll admit that I don’t always respond as quickly as she might like me to). If you have a teen or tween daughter I can’t recommend this book more.
Check my blog for a letter that I wrote to Nora on her birthday.
